Don't read this, you should be watching "Prometheus"

"Prometheus."  Go see it.  Stop reading up about my pathetic life through my writing and see something fucking real.

It was kind of a humbling experience, watching the movie.

The kickass crew of actors (Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron) fit the movie like, well, actors in a really good Ridley Scott movie should.  Rapace is the new Sigourney/Ripley, and good god is she as gorgeous and badass as the new female protagonist any "Alien"-lover could only hope and dream for.

I wish this movie didn't feature you getting the shit beat out of you so much, girl,
but if it makes you feel any better you made me fall in love with you while it happened.
/SUPERCREEPYMODEDISENGAGE

Story-wise, too, it blazes along the well-traveled path of great science fiction that causes us to question our humanity, like a sequence of contaminated, foreign DNA racing through the body of one of the film's unfortunate souls.  The movie's terrifying in a psychological way, even moving beyond the hideous alien forms and their murderous tendencies.

Of course, the special effects and sound design are great, too (convincing boom booms and deepass alien-sounding bass). But there are also some truly mind-blowing examples of cinematography in the film that aren't going to leave my mind anytime soon.  Yeah, the script isn't particularly inspiring at times and there are a few "plot holes" if you could call them such, but they still aid the overall experience in a meaningful way.

I really don't want to say much more or do a write-up of this movie because, seriously, you should just go see it.  It honestly makes me incredibly depressed -- the fact that I'll most likely never create something on the same scale of "Prometheus."  Most of the strands come together -- narrative, music, cinematography, acting, special effects -- to make a nearly pitch-perfect sci-fi film.  It's unforgettable.

WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT

Oh... one more thing.

SPOILERS SPOILERS DON'T LOOK BELOW IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET

Arma 2's DayZ zombie survival mod is everything your lil' nerd heart desires (probably)

Ooh!  Zambies!

Arma II is a 2009 tactical shooter that most people (myself included) had probably never heard of before a few months ago.  Even fewer people had the desire to play it despite solid mechanics, a huge open world and tons of support for modification of the game -- mostly because it's incredibly realistic and therefore incredibly sloooow.  Also, it had tons of bugs at launch.

Then, all of that changed after word got out that there was a new extensive mod for Arma II which turned it into a zombie survival game.  

The mod, called DayZ, was originally coded and produced by one man (who is now employed by Bohemia Interactive, the company that originally made Arma II).  As of the writing of this post, there are currently 726,882 players who have currently installed the mod and have played it at least once.

Keep in mind, that's around three-quarters of a  million people.  Playing a mod.

Saying goodbye to animal friends

This was prompted by the recent death of my 4-year-old cat Mischa. When we first got him, he was the tiniest kitten I've ever seen. We were afraid Pixie, the other much larger kitten we got at the same time as him, would kill him because of how rough she was when she played with him.

Fast-forward to around a year later, and Mischa was a globular house of a cat with a dangling belly that would not stop growing. He was about the size of two Pixies.

He was fat and grumpy and unenthusiastic about human contact, and I couldn't pick him up because he squealed like a little pig. His belly wobbled hilariously when he ran, and he snored louder than I do.

He was my little buddy, and I loved him.  

One of the few pictures I took specifically with him; it's an action shot cause he always RAN AWAY.

Let me start off by stating this: we are all animals. Regardless of what the entire breadth of human culture, art, religion and morality teaches us about ourselves, we are still animals.

While our brains have developed to accomplish and build things far beyond what the other living organisms on the planet are capable of, this does not make us any better than them.

Like everything else, our only scientific purpose is to ensure the survival of our species—despite what the aforementioned societal structures may say otherwise.

In a strict Darwinist sense then, why should we care about other creatures if they do not directly relate to our own survival?

BREAKING NEWS: composer Yanni to join rap group Brick Squad

Much-lauded composer Yanni announced some incredibly shocking news on Tuesday at an AP press conference: he would be leaving his prolific career behind in the pursuit of a “more active, enriching musical experience.”

In a subsequent personal interview with the NY Times, the aging artist divulged that not only was he quitting composing—he would be joining popular rap group 1017 Brick Squad.

Pictured above:  Yanni and Gucci have been firm friends
outside of the limelight of the media for many years.

This news comes after Yanni—famed for his tireless work in music composition and fund-raising—had just released his latest live album during a free PBS broadcast of the show, “Yanni Live at El Morro.”

“I was so incredibly tired of always writing these huge musical productions—it was like people only expected me to compose music without showing off any of my obvious lyrical and instrumental talents,” Yanni said in the interview.

“You can always see me playing the air guitar and air piano and such... and being visibly affected by my music in front of the crowd. I just wanted people to know that I can perform—but it never got any appreciation.”

On the other hand, Brick Squad has steadily increased in popularity since its conception in 2008, recently picking up members Fatal and Creation after the tragic murder of Slim Dunkin while in his studio recording music last year.

WHAT IN THE HELL: Dark Souls (VIDEO FEATURE, GURL)

"THAT'S THE BIGGEST PIECE OF ASSHOLE I'VE EVER SEEN.  FUCK THIS GAME.  FUCK THE DESIGNERS WHO EVEN THOUGHT THAT NORMAL PEOPLE WOULD SPEND THEIR TIME TRYING TO PLAY THIS MASOCHISTIC PIECE OF SHIT."--Conor Morris' last words before strangling himself with the charger cord of an Xbox 360 controller while playing From Software's Dark Souls.

I've been playing my suitemate's copy of Dark Souls as of late, though I sometimes don't know why because it's one of the most damned difficult games I've ever had the chance to play.  I'm quite addicted, though, even despite my rage as seen above.  It is in fact a really good game.

The entire experience IS frustrating, but it's frustrating because of what kind of game it is.

It's an adventure game.  A modern ode to the archaic pieces of work in the 8-and-16-bit era that were so fond of blasting gamers with infernal combinations of difficulty, technology limitations and just plain lack of regard for sanity in the consumer.  The original Ninja Gaiden, for example, and even Zelda II (even if it is a bad, bad thing).

Even despite echoing the classic adventure game experience, Dark Souls manages to have its own satanic difficulties that pull at the very essence of your being as it laughs at your suffering.  The interface is pretty barbarically simple for how complex of a game it is, the inventory system too guerilla and with too few hints on how everything works.

Pictured above:  Dark Souls (devils) fucking with you (pussyass pumpkinpeople).

The joy of flight.

I finally finished The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword recently after a whole month of time in which all I wanted to do was play it; alas, though, life occurs and even my favorite videogame series must wait in its wake.

Now, after spending a good 40-50 hours in the game, I think I'm finally ready to talk about not only it, but the Zelda franchise in general.  I'm going to try to keep this relatively short, because I know I could talk for ages about something that's so close and personal to me.

Yes, the Zelda series is a very important thing to me.  Yes, they are a bunch of video games that follow similar archetypal storylines that have been repeated since the dawn of man. 

In that vein, though, "The Canterbury Tales" is just a collection of stories.  "Citizen Kane" is just a movie.  Shubert's pieces were just music.

Shinfo week: "The Human Centipede II"

Hey, you know what's the single most awful piece of media I have ever consumed in my entire life?  "The Human Centipede II."

I'd never had the desire to see "The Human Centipede," and especially not "The Human Centipede II" after being coerced into watching the first by my stupid friends.

In fact, you know what?  These pieces of shit aren't even worthy of being recognized as pieces of entertainment.  I'm dropping the quotes around the names of both movies, and just abbreviating them from now on.

HC2 starts off in what is supposed to be "our world:" a world in which HC1 was actually just a movie, and a world in which it's the favorite movie of a bug-eyed, overweight, mentally retarded guy with a penchant for sandpapering his dick and pooping his pants.  He works in a parking garage and kills/captures people that piss him off a bit too much.

This guy, who never talks aside from random guttural noises and squeaks, is--I'll have to grudgingly hand it to the producers--incredibly disturbing looking and weird.  His life absolutely sucks; his mother wants to kill him, his father abused him as a child, his therapist wants to molest him.  It's an awful world.

This guy.

However, all the poor mentally handicapped guy wants to do is recreate his favorite movie, in real life.  And boy, does he ever.

Through an INSANELY huge amount of fortuitous concussions that he gives people with his trusty crowbar which allows him to move their unconscious bodies where he wants, he traps a whole entourage of 12 or so people.  These 12 people include one of the actresses from the first movie (as if her career wasn't already destroyed enough) as well as a pregnant woman.