WHAT IN THE HELL: Dark Souls (VIDEO FEATURE, GURL)

"THAT'S THE BIGGEST PIECE OF ASSHOLE I'VE EVER SEEN.  FUCK THIS GAME.  FUCK THE DESIGNERS WHO EVEN THOUGHT THAT NORMAL PEOPLE WOULD SPEND THEIR TIME TRYING TO PLAY THIS MASOCHISTIC PIECE OF SHIT."--Conor Morris' last words before strangling himself with the charger cord of an Xbox 360 controller while playing From Software's Dark Souls.

I've been playing my suitemate's copy of Dark Souls as of late, though I sometimes don't know why because it's one of the most damned difficult games I've ever had the chance to play.  I'm quite addicted, though, even despite my rage as seen above.  It is in fact a really good game.

The entire experience IS frustrating, but it's frustrating because of what kind of game it is.

It's an adventure game.  A modern ode to the archaic pieces of work in the 8-and-16-bit era that were so fond of blasting gamers with infernal combinations of difficulty, technology limitations and just plain lack of regard for sanity in the consumer.  The original Ninja Gaiden, for example, and even Zelda II (even if it is a bad, bad thing).

Even despite echoing the classic adventure game experience, Dark Souls manages to have its own satanic difficulties that pull at the very essence of your being as it laughs at your suffering.  The interface is pretty barbarically simple for how complex of a game it is, the inventory system too guerilla and with too few hints on how everything works.

Pictured above:  Dark Souls (devils) fucking with you (pussyass pumpkinpeople).

Plus, there's very little narrative to direct you ANYWHERE, and most certainly not any kind of map, overworld or locally.  Maps are for CANDYASSES.

Not only that, but the lack of direction means that you put yourself into hot water very easily.  Go into the wrong place ill-equipped and too weak?  You're gonna die faster than you can say "what the fuck," son.

The only way that you can really succeed in the game, especially when it includes PVP--which means a heightened importance on the build of a character--is to either go off the meager tips gleaned from the loading screens or through multiple playthroughs,  or go online and look up EVERYTHING.  Even then, it's an experience akin to the "player's guide culture" that so many people remember fondly when playing games in the 80s-90s.

I.E., hastily constructed lies about games you've beaten, hard-learned secrets passed back-and-forth at recess, scrutinizing the manual for any clue as to where to find those damn heart containers in Zelda, tearing open the the latest gaming mag to scan for helpful hints.

A much simpler and way more depressing time.

Going back to Dark Souls, though, even with the collective power of the internet at your fingertips, the game is not any easier.  Deaths quickly skyrocket into the hundreds even when walking through the seemingly simplest of areas and fighting the easiest of bosses until you begin to recognize patterns, get better equipment and level up your character.

Specific elements in the gameplay encourage repetition and memorization, the most punishing of which:  losing your accrued experience (souls) since you last leveled up when you die, but getting one chance to get them back.  If you die en-route to your bloodstain (where you last died) then you lose all of them.

Yeah, SHIT SUCKS.

Combine this with the fact that certain areas and bosses will alone cause you hundreds of deaths in a very confined space of time and you get a recipe for pure controller-breaking rage.

If you want to know more about how insanely difficult this game is, though, look it up or watch videos of people crying about how hard it is.

Like I said earlier, though, it is a really awesome game.  The sense of scale is badass and epic--the sheer number, size, difficulty and unique nature of the boss fights make them an unmatched experience.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

The art style and music combined create a beautifully bleak tone and emphasize how incredibly brutal your journey is in a game that makes you die so much.

The level designs are devilishly clever.  The controls are pretty well fleshed-out if quite unintuitive to the beginner.  The combat system is rich and fights always convey a sense of urgency and danger even while being quite cinematic and enjoyable to watch.

Even the online system is pretty awesome and a fun addition to the experience, despite the fact that your character can be invaded and MURDERED TO FUCKING PIECES like a wet paper towel before a collapsing redwood at the drop of a hat by other players.

There's plenty of opportunities for cooperative play to balance out the difficulty of the experience, though, and players can pretty easily leave messages to give out hints about hidden secrets and particularly difficult sections of the game.

TL:DR, awesome game, HARD AS FUCKING NAILS.  Play it if you have balls the size of a semi and don't let yourself get too angry at shit that doesn't matter.