Showing posts with label Epilogue: Cats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Epilogue: Cats. Show all posts

Monday, April 16, 2012

Saying goodbye to animal friends

This was prompted by the recent death of my 4-year-old cat Mischa. When we first got him, he was the tiniest kitten I've ever seen. We were afraid Pixie, the other much larger kitten we got at the same time as him, would kill him because of how rough she was when she played with him.

Fast-forward to around a year later, and Mischa was a globular house of a cat with a dangling belly that would not stop growing. He was about the size of two Pixies.

He was fat and grumpy and unenthusiastic about human contact, and I couldn't pick him up because he squealed like a little pig. His belly wobbled hilariously when he ran, and he snored louder than I do.

He was my little buddy, and I loved him.  
One of the few pictures I took specifically with him; it's an action shot cause he always RAN AWAY.
Let me start off by stating this: we are all animals. Regardless of what the entire breadth of human culture, art, religion and morality teaches us about ourselves, we are still animals.

While our brains have developed to accomplish and build things far beyond what the other living organisms on the planet are capable of, this does not make us any better than them.

Like everything else, our only scientific purpose is to ensure the survival of our species—despite what the aforementioned societal structures may say otherwise.

In a strict Darwinist sense then, why should we care about other creatures if they do not directly relate to our own survival?

Monday, April 9, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: composer Yanni to join rap group Brick Squad

Much-lauded composer Yanni announced some incredibly shocking news on Tuesday at an AP press conference: he would be leaving his prolific career behind in the pursuit of a “more active, enriching musical experience.”

In a subsequent personal interview with the NY Times, the aging artist divulged that not only was he quitting composing—he would be joining popular rap group 1017 Brick Squad.
Pictured above:  Yanni and Gucci have been firm friends
outside of the limelight of the media for many years.

This news comes after Yanni—famed for his tireless work in music composition and fund-raising—had just released his latest live album during a free PBS broadcast of the show, “Yanni Live at El Morro.”

“I was so incredibly tired of always writing these huge musical productions—it was like people only expected me to compose music without showing off any of my obvious lyrical and instrumental talents,” Yanni said in the interview.

“You can always see me playing the air guitar and air piano and such... and being visibly affected by my music in front of the crowd. I just wanted people to know that I can perform—but it never got any appreciation.”

On the other hand, Brick Squad has steadily increased in popularity since its conception in 2008, recently picking up members Fatal and Creation after the tragic murder of Slim Dunkin while in his studio recording music last year.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Shinfo week: NEW BULLETIN BOARD

Interview with Nicholas G. Southall, sophomore english major and newly-christened RA of Ryors hall. Recorded on Sunday, January 22, 2012.

Conor Morris
hey
let me interview you

Nicholas G. Southall
OKAY
i'll interview you back
GO

Conor Morris
about how you're bad at making bulletin boards

Nicholas G. Southall
okay!

Conor Morris
alright! are you ready?

Nicholas G. Southall
no
my turn!
what's your favorite toy?

Conor Morris
cardboard cut-out of patrick stewart. my turn!
why do you suck at making bulletin boards?

Nicholas G. Southall
Well, when i was in the third grade my teacher, mrs. mason made me make her bulletin board. I slaved over it for days during her class, even staying in during recess. It had a black history month theme and I printed off all of these pictures which were crazy hard to find since the internet was kind of hard to use back then, especially for a 3rd grader. So, i finally got it done after a week of working on it and Mrs. Mason yelled at me because she hated it. She tore it down and had Ashley Becker make it instead. She got it done in one class period and it stayed up the whole month of February. I still harbor hateful feelings about that event and I hate making them so I devote as little time as possible to making them.

Conor Morris
wow, I'm really sorry to hear that, man. you want a warm business handshake with lots of eye contact?

Nicholas G. Southall
that sounds perfect!
Wait, look behind you!

Conor Morris
what?

*"Nicholas is offline, but you can still send him a message" message appears*

Conor Morris
perfect! cut! dry! set! we're going into print!

/End interview.

The above interview proving far too useless to use on any ordinary Quest for Cats post, I SET OUT to find  exactly what was going on with Nicholas Southall and the bulletin boards in Ryors hall.

The following video is the edited version of what I uncovered after careful study and an in-depth, 24-hour-long interview with the chump in question:

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.  The finished product.  The swaddled child.  The glory that is, THE NEW BULLETIN BOARD AT RYORS...

...and I don't have the picture from Nick yet.  What the fuck, man?

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Welcome to SHINFO WEEK 2K12. Tyler Bules hates frozen yogurt.

Greetings, readers, and welcome to my newest venture into the hallowed realm of fantastic ideas that will get my blog tons of views and credibility: "SHINFO Week!"

Quick lesson: the term "Shinfo" is a shortened combination of "shitty" and "info," coined by members of the band Every Time I Die to describe information that is neither helpful nor interesting.

As such, I have dubbed this week "Shinfo Week" and will be celebrating it by giving ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKS about having a target audience.  I will be posting news stories--of which I could hardly contrive for people to actually care about in the slighest--that I've uncovered and lovingly detailed with every journalistic fiber of my being.  

Are you ready to join in this incredibly fruitless journey with me, friend?  Alright, let's go.

FIRST STOP:

Tyler Bules is a second-year engineering student at the University of Cincinnati.  (NASTY NATI, AMIRIGHT?) 
Isn't he precious?
And boy, does he have a veritable treasure trove of juicy information about himself to share with us.  Below is a transcript from when I sat down with him earlier last week.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Social experiment time! Drawing cats vs. penises.

Have you ever wondered at the complex inner machinations of a college student's mind?  Have you ever wondered at said machinations and realized that they're pretty derpy as far as humans go?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if, given an optional prompt, how many people would draw a picture of a cat versus a picture of a penis on a whiteboard in a public setting?

Well, here's the social experiment that's JUST FOR YOU!  

The setting:  The hallway in my dorm which, as far as OU dorms go, is pretty nice and only admits sophomores or above.  

The tools: THE PEOPLE INVOLVED LOL.  Just kidding.  The dry erase board on the front of my door and a purple marker made readily available.  (The door, I should note, is right by a major exit from the floor that I live on, meaning it's got plenty of traffic going by it.)

The prompt:  "Social experiment time!  Every time you walk by this, draw either a cat or a dick." 

The "experiment" (I shouldn't really call it that because it's too stupid) was set to run for five days, the board being wiped at around midnight every night to allow room for the next day's shenanigans. 

See pictures and commentary of the results below the cut.

Note:  Pictures involving cat dongs, dongs that look like cats, cats that are made out of dongs, or anything else were tallied as both a cat and a penis.  DEALWITHIT.

Warning:  pictured below are stupid, harmless drawings of cats and phallic objects.  If you have any objection to either:  1) why are you reading this blog?  2) grow a friggin' sense of humor, NERD.  

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Pukesgiving: obligatory picture blog of what I'm thankful for

To those that were annoyed by the whininess of my last post, I apologize.  ZEES post, however, is the yang to the last post's yin.  The catharsis that was badly needed.  The hymns of Thanksgiving in Psalms of the Hebrew bible to the Lamentations of the past (I'm not religious, but the Old Testament is badass).

Here is a list of some people and things that I really need or want to give thanks to, without whom and which I definitely would either not be here this day, or otherwise would be an entirely different or entirely douchier person.
1.  My mom.
Idn't she precious?  Ignore that weird fucker to the left.
My mom is the epitome of the term "tough old bird,"(just like her mom and my grandma Peggy, who deserves special mention here too because she's fucking awesome and crazy) and will continue to be such as life continually hands her bullshit and she throws it back in its face as much as possible.  She's gone through a lot of awful things in her life, including the events of this last year, but through it all she's kept her humor and an insane amount of compassion.

She's absolutely wonderful and the most supportive, accepting and loving person I've ever met even despite being jaded by the shit she's had to deal with.

I know I don't say it enough, mom, (if you're reading this, which I'm sure you will at some point) but I love you.  And I know I'm definitely not the best son in the world a lot of the time, and you deserve a lot more respect than you get, and so I'm sorry, too.

Thanks, mom.  You are the best.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Happy Halloween to anybody and everybody reading this post!  I hope it's a wonderful one, filled with CANDY and BATS and BLOOD and CANDY BLOOD and CANDY BATS and all that hooplah.

First off, allow me to put this here, because "The Worst Witch" is the best/worst Halloween movie I've ever seen.



Saturday, September 10, 2011

The Minecraft Hunger Games

Minecraft.  AND the Hunger Games.  Yes!
Recently, I was talking to my friend Brian Conklin (who is very funny and should be followed on twitter if at all possible) and he brought up a charity that he and some of his friends had started for Child's Play that combines popular book series "The Hunger Games" and the indie smash hit "Minecraft."

Monday, August 29, 2011

PokeCATS

My mind.  Blown.  Two of my favorite things in the world.  Together in beautiful harmony.  (Click the picture for the .gif to work)
I just might cry.
Also, the same guy who made NYAN CAT made this.  I think he's probably the coolest person in the world right now.
Here's a link to his blog:  http://www.prguitarman.com/index.php?id=379

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Moving

Note:  My apologies for the sappiness of this post.  I will be leaving for college soon, and soon after that my family will be selling our house in Wooster and moving everything and everyone down to Marietta.

As I drove away from my friend's house late one night on the eve of his exodus to college—the beginning of the end of my summer—a huge bouquet of emotions bloomed in my brain, the seeds of which had been planted by the memories of living in this town.

These snapshots of the past, punctuated with laughter and shouting and happiness and sadness and loneliness  of bygone times all balled into one mass inside of my psyche, set off a chain reaction.