Quick lesson: the term "Shinfo" is a shortened combination of "shitty" and "info," coined by members of the band Every Time I Die to describe information that is neither helpful nor interesting.
As such, I have dubbed this week "Shinfo Week" and will be celebrating it by giving ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKS about having a target audience. I will be posting news stories--of which I could hardly contrive for people to actually care about in the slighest--that I've uncovered and lovingly detailed with every journalistic fiber of my being.
Are you ready to join in this incredibly fruitless journey with me, friend? Alright, let's go.
FIRST STOP:
Tyler Bules is a second-year engineering student at the University of Cincinnati. (NASTY NATI, AMIRIGHT?)
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| Isn't he precious? |
And boy, does he have a veritable treasure trove of juicy information about himself to share with us. Below is a transcript from when I sat down with him earlier last week.
So let's start this interview off right: why don't you like frozen yogurt?
Personally, I think frozen yogurt is simply ice cream with a fancy title slapped on it. I don't like ice cream, or false advertising.
When did you start not liking frozen yogurt?
From the first time I tried it. I was excited to try it, as I like regular yogurt and had heard great things about frozen yogurt. I tried it here in Cincinnati at YogurtVi I think. Sometime towards the end of last year
Would you say that your dad not hugging you enough as a kid led to you not enjoying such a delicious frozen treat?
Probably just the opposite. Too much hugging has led to this fate.
Liar.
*Laughs*
So now that we've established that you weren't loved as a kid, let's talk about your sex life.
Nice.
How's it going?
Pretty monogamous. Left hand only. 
...
...
Let's change gears. How tall are you?
5'10", last I checked.
Do you think your less-than-pleasing height has led to you not enjoying frozen yogurt... maybe because you're dissatisfied with your lot in life?
Unlikely. I know lots of girls shorter than me, who enjoy frozen yogurt frequently.
How does this picture make you feel?
It gives me a raging desire for facial hair.
Me too. Well Tyler, you may not have a soul because you don't like frozen yogurt but at least you have good taste in facial hair. and for that I respect you. It was nice talking to you. You have anything else to say?
All sissies is goin' to hell! *Laughs*
No. Not really.
/End interview.
More of Tyler's satanic anti-frozen-yogurt-agenda shenanigans can be found on twitter (@tr0ublebrewing), and as always, you can grab my twitter account from the right-hand bar of the site.
COME BACK TOMORROW FOR MORE FUN.
Special thanks to this weird tumblr I found of celebrities with food photoshopped onto their chins: http://www.foodbeard.com/.
Special thanks to this weird tumblr I found of celebrities with food photoshopped onto their chins: http://www.foodbeard.com/.
I AM RIVETED.
ReplyDeleteBy which I mean, I have become affixed to my chair with actual steel rivets. This is much less enjoyable than the corresponding figure of speech would imply.