Shinfo week: "The Human Centipede II"

Hey, you know what's the single most awful piece of media I have ever consumed in my entire life?  "The Human Centipede II."

I'd never had the desire to see "The Human Centipede," and especially not "The Human Centipede II" after being coerced into watching the first by my stupid friends.

In fact, you know what?  These pieces of shit aren't even worthy of being recognized as pieces of entertainment.  I'm dropping the quotes around the names of both movies, and just abbreviating them from now on.

HC2 starts off in what is supposed to be "our world:" a world in which HC1 was actually just a movie, and a world in which it's the favorite movie of a bug-eyed, overweight, mentally retarded guy with a penchant for sandpapering his dick and pooping his pants.  He works in a parking garage and kills/captures people that piss him off a bit too much.

This guy, who never talks aside from random guttural noises and squeaks, is--I'll have to grudgingly hand it to the producers--incredibly disturbing looking and weird.  His life absolutely sucks; his mother wants to kill him, his father abused him as a child, his therapist wants to molest him.  It's an awful world.

This guy.

However, all the poor mentally handicapped guy wants to do is recreate his favorite movie, in real life.  And boy, does he ever.

Through an INSANELY huge amount of fortuitous concussions that he gives people with his trusty crowbar which allows him to move their unconscious bodies where he wants, he traps a whole entourage of 12 or so people.  These 12 people include one of the actresses from the first movie (as if her career wasn't already destroyed enough) as well as a pregnant woman.

Shinfo week: NEW BULLETIN BOARD

Interview with Nicholas G. Southall, sophomore english major and newly-christened RA of Ryors hall. Recorded on Sunday, January 22, 2012.

Conor Morris
hey
let me interview you

Nicholas G. Southall
OKAY
i'll interview you back
GO

Conor Morris
about how you're bad at making bulletin boards

Nicholas G. Southall
okay!

Conor Morris
alright! are you ready?

Nicholas G. Southall
no
my turn!
what's your favorite toy?

Conor Morris
cardboard cut-out of patrick stewart. my turn!
why do you suck at making bulletin boards?

Nicholas G. Southall
Well, when i was in the third grade my teacher, mrs. mason made me make her bulletin board. I slaved over it for days during her class, even staying in during recess. It had a black history month theme and I printed off all of these pictures which were crazy hard to find since the internet was kind of hard to use back then, especially for a 3rd grader. So, i finally got it done after a week of working on it and Mrs. Mason yelled at me because she hated it. She tore it down and had Ashley Becker make it instead. She got it done in one class period and it stayed up the whole month of February. I still harbor hateful feelings about that event and I hate making them so I devote as little time as possible to making them.

Conor Morris
wow, I'm really sorry to hear that, man. you want a warm business handshake with lots of eye contact?

Nicholas G. Southall
that sounds perfect!
Wait, look behind you!

Conor Morris
what?

*"Nicholas is offline, but you can still send him a message" message appears*

Conor Morris
perfect! cut! dry! set! we're going into print!

/End interview.

The above interview proving far too useless to use on any ordinary Quest for Cats post, I SET OUT to find  exactly what was going on with Nicholas Southall and the bulletin boards in Ryors hall.

The following video is the edited version of what I uncovered after careful study and an in-depth, 24-hour-long interview with the chump in question:

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.  The finished product.  The swaddled child.  The glory that is, THE NEW BULLETIN BOARD AT RYORS...

...and I don't have the picture from Nick yet.  What the fuck, man?

Welcome to SHINFO WEEK 2K12. Tyler Bules hates frozen yogurt.

Greetings, readers, and welcome to my newest venture into the hallowed realm of fantastic ideas that will get my blog tons of views and credibility: "SHINFO Week!"

Quick lesson: the term "Shinfo" is a shortened combination of "shitty" and "info," coined by members of the band Every Time I Die to describe information that is neither helpful nor interesting.

As such, I have dubbed this week "Shinfo Week" and will be celebrating it by giving ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKS about having a target audience.  I will be posting news stories--of which I could hardly contrive for people to actually care about in the slighest--that I've uncovered and lovingly detailed with every journalistic fiber of my being.  

Are you ready to join in this incredibly fruitless journey with me, friend?  Alright, let's go.

FIRST STOP:

Tyler Bules is a second-year engineering student at the University of Cincinnati.  (NASTY NATI, AMIRIGHT?) 

Isn't he precious?

And boy, does he have a veritable treasure trove of juicy information about himself to share with us.  Below is a transcript from when I sat down with him earlier last week.

Social experiment time! Drawing cats vs. penises.

Have you ever wondered at the complex inner machinations of a college student's mind?  Have you ever wondered at said machinations and realized that they're pretty derpy as far as humans go?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if, given an optional prompt, how many people would draw a picture of a cat versus a picture of a penis on a whiteboard in a public setting?

Well, here's the social experiment that's JUST FOR YOU!  

The setting:  The hallway in my dorm which, as far as OU dorms go, is pretty nice and only admits sophomores or above.  

The tools: THE PEOPLE INVOLVED LOL.  Just kidding.  The dry erase board on the front of my door and a purple marker made readily available.  (The door, I should note, is right by a major exit from the floor that I live on, meaning it's got plenty of traffic going by it.)

The prompt:  "Social experiment time!  Every time you walk by this, draw either a cat or a dick." 

The "experiment" (I shouldn't really call it that because it's too stupid) was set to run for five days, the board being wiped at around midnight every night to allow room for the next day's shenanigans. 

See pictures and commentary of the results below the cut.

Note:  Pictures involving cat dongs, dongs that look like cats, cats that are made out of dongs, or anything else were tallied as both a cat and a penis.  DEALWITHIT.

Warning:  pictured below are stupid, harmless drawings of cats and phallic objects.  If you have any objection to either:  1) why are you reading this blog?  2) grow a friggin' sense of humor, NERD.